On Melancholy Hill
by bloodyelectro
Summary: Santana is a heartbreaker, Quinn is taking a chance, and happy endings are great. :  A random oneshot.


**A/N:** This is me trying to overcome my writer´s block. It´s kind of random and I wrote it while listening to some online music-tv-thingy. Who´s interested in the play-list can write me a message and I´ll send you a link to the ´mix-tape´. ^^ Not beta-d either.

Hopefully the next part for Coffee-and-Cookies will be up soon now. :) Thanks for reading, and feel free to leave a comment.

BTW I don´t own the lyrics used in this…

* * *

><p><strong>On Melancholy Hill<strong>

It´s a feeling she can´t explain.

She doesn´t understand it herself. She doesn´t even know whether it´s really a feeling. It´s just something that´s not there.

Santana learns to life without whatever it is, and it´s not even bad, though she´s a little frustrated at times.

But it doesn´t stay that way.

Whereas Santana-the-child could live without it, Santana-the-teenager was desperate to finally find it.

Unfortunately she doesn´t.

And it´s turning her into a bitch, this _feeling, _this emptiness. She just wants it gone, though if she´s honest she just wants to finally stop missing it, to finally find it.

* * *

><p>It starts with Puck when they are fifteen. Figuring out that he isn´t what she needs nor wants isn´t hard, but he´s a good friend and she´s in no rush. So they stick together for a little while.<p>

She will run into him eight years after graduation and learn that he married that chick from high school. She doesn´t remember her and if she´s being honest- she doesn´t really care either. But she´s glad that he´s so happy.

* * *

><p>Sam turns out to be her epiphany. He´s the first one she tells that she´s gay. It´s while they´re having sex (in retrospective not the best moment) and he looks crestfallen. It´ll be the last time she sleeps with a guy up until a few years later when she´s having a threesome with some couple, (which she regrets).<p>

They stay friends nonetheless.

In college she meets Mercedes Jones and when Sam reaches out to her via facebook three months into her first year she asks him whether he´s got a girlfriend. She plays cupid (it´s the first and last time) and not even a year later she´s attending a wedding where she sleeps with one of Sam´s cousins, who´s equally as blonde and nerdy as him. He´s not mad at her, which she appreciates, and Samantha (yes, seriously) stops calling her after two months, which she appreciates even more.

* * *

><p>After Sam the rest of her high school life is spent making out with cheerleaders at parties. It ends with her having an affair with a teacher in her last year. She realizes that Holly isn´t what she´s looking for after three months, but she helps her being okay with herself, teaches her a lot more than she actually should, and that´s more than Santana could ask for.<p>

When she leaves for college, leaves Holly´s apartment for the last time, she´s taught one last lesson: breaking hearts feels horrible.

She knows that in a few years she´ll be nothing more than a bad memory for Holly, but to her it´ll always mean something, because it was her first real love, and first real heartbreak.

* * *

><p>She thinks being with Aphasia is fun, a normal college experience, nothing to lose any sleep over. Something easy and meaningless.<p>

Aphasia thinks differently.

For months she starts screaming and cursing whenever she sees Santana to Mercedes great amusement.

.

After that she stays single for the rest of her time at college. The whole incident leaves her with an unfortunate reputation and the girls wanting to go home with her only want her for one night, which is okay for a while.

It´s better than being alone anyway.

* * *

><p>After college she moves to New York.<p>

There she meets **Rachel**, an aspiring Broadway star (so she tells everybody that will listen to her), who is kind of cute and welcomes her with open arms (and legs, but she´s learned not to be so crude).

Being with Rachel is a constant push and pull. It´s intense and for almost two years it´s distracting enough that she doesn´t see that it isn´t right.

But eventually she does.

It takes her a month to break up with Rachel. She never noticed how little the other woman listened to her, but even Rachel can´t ignore the bags by the door.

"How could you? How dare you? Who do you think you are? You can´t do that to me!"

She lets Rachel scream at her, takes it all, because it isn´t her heart that´s breaking.

Rachel throws one of her awards at her and when she finally leaves it´s with a pretty bad cut above her eye. The only thing reminding her of her relationship with Rachel years later will be the scar.

* * *

><p>She takes the car to get to LA.<p>

In the middle of nowhere, somewhere in Ohio, she picks up a blonde with a stunning smile and legs that seem to go on forever.

A dancer who wants to make it big in LA.

They hook up before they even make it out of state.

Brittany is fun. She´s beautiful, a bit on the crazy side, but at the same time the nicest person Santana has ever met.

It seems like LA has just been waiting for Brittany and before she knows it Santana sees Brittany dancing in music videos and saying goodbye to her at airports and bus stations when she leaves to go on tour.

Brittany is the best thing that ever happened to her.

She loves her.

She´s sure that Brittany is everything she ever wanted, that this is it.

And Brittany is everything. She means the world to her and Santana is almost certain that she can´t live without her.

Brittany is her best friend, she might even go as far as calling her her soul mate.

But it´s still not enough.

It breaks Santana´s heart when she realizes that.

.

"I´ll help you find it," Brittany states, confusing Santana.

"Excuse me?"

"Whatever it is you´re looking for, whatever it is that you need to be happy," she explains as best as she can. "I´ll help you."

"Okay, thanks."

It´s the best break-up ever.

Later it becomes clear that having Brittany has a friend, as her best friend, was part of her finally finding happiness and contentment.

* * *

><p>She runs. She likes running.<p>

Music in her ear, eyes open, taking in everything around her, always searching.

One day she runs into Tina.

"It´s not you, it´s me," Santana says after a year and she half means it. "It´s always me." The other half of her thinks that´s it´s never her, that it´s never her fault, that it simply is what it is. "I´m sorry."

"Just leave, and please do me a favor and forget my phone number."

Tina looks really heartbroken and for long minutes Santana feels like an even bigger asshole than she actually thinks she is.

She shakes her head at herself when she steps out onto the street.

After they break up she runs. She runs till there´s no more music.

The next day she can barely walk, but she´s accepted that she once again broke a heart.

* * *

><p>She had trouble getting up every morning.<p>

She didn´t like what she saw in the mirror, didn´t like her reflection in shop windows.

Her weekends are spent at clubs or bars, always looking for something, seeking to find it, never not searching.

Floating from club to club, from bed to bed.

.

She always thought that it would last. She thought so with Holly (at least in the beginning), with Tina, she wasn´t so sure about Rachel, but she had been certain about Brittany. Whenever she entered a relationship she always thought she´d never end them, never leave a broken heart behind. Instead she found herself waking up in always other beds, with always different lovers.

.

Doors opening and closing.

She´s restless, not knowing what it is that she´s dreaming off.

It takes more than just one pretty face to be happy. Santana knows that.

When she calls her parents she tells them not to worry.

* * *

><p>It´s a pair of eyes that catches her attention.<p>

"You´re a player," is the first thing the blonde tells her, even before she can say hi. "You´re a player and I don´t like being played with so: I´m not interested. Sorry."

Love seems deeply lost in hazel eyes.

It´s the same look Santana sees whenever she breaks someone's heart. Only this time she´s barely said hello.

"Please, don´t let this be a tragedy."

.

The next morning she wakes up in a bed that isn´t her own. Next to her a beautiful blonde that she hopes will be hers sometimes in the near future and forever afterwards.

Quinn makes the best coffee ever.

.

Their history is vastly different, but scarily reflective. Where there was just another impasse for Santana, there was heartbreak for Quinn. While Quinn was always found, Santana kept searching.

.

Quinn fights it unwaveringly, refuses to fall in love with Santana.

But Santana can see it. Can see how Quinn´s affection for her is growing.

And now that she finally knows what she´s waiting for, the waiting is only half as bad.

Santana´s patient.

.

_Chase another heart that´s been run around?_

_.  
><em>

Quinn´s heart has been broken nearly as often as she had broken a heart. She hopes it´s a good sign, ´cause she´s not sure she could live with another notch on her belt, with _this_ notch on her belt.

One night they compare heartbreaks and neither is really surprised when their numbers actually add up.

.

And Quinn´s taking a chance.

.

The first time she kisses Quinn something inside her clicks and everything finally falls into place. From that moment on she knows that she´s never going to leave the blonde. She´s fairly certain that there are other people out there who could fill the space, but she´s tired of searching for them, she just wants to spend the rest of her life basking in that feeling of completeness, of perfection.

It feels like skipping rope in the driveway all through summer, like eating cherries in her grandparents garden.

She tells Quinn about it, tells her everything she was feeling.

A week later the blonde comes over to spend the day with her. She brings cherries and a rope and Santana has to restrain herself from asking Quinn to marry her.

Several years later she doesn´t feel the need to suppress this urge.

.

Being with Quinn was easy.

Sure in the beginning they often scream and fight, both driven by their insecurities. But they make it through the rough start.

After that it´s pure bliss six days a week.

.

"I´m in love with you."

They´re in Santana´s car; on the way home from the beach where they had spend the day.

Santana had been humming along to every song on the radio during the drive and Quinn had decided that if this turned out to be another heartbreak, it would be one she wouldn´t regret.

When the Latina gives her a beautiful, shy grin in response Quinn knows they´re on the same page, reading the same book.

.

During the first months Santana sometimes catches Quinn looking at her warily. Looking like she´s just waiting for her to get up and stump on her heart like everybody else had.

"I´ll make sure to never lose you, even though I´m fairly certain that I would find you again. After all I did it once so I could do it again. But I don´t want to take a chance. I don´t want to lose you."

Quinn doesn´t believe her when she says that this is it for her.

She doesn´t believe Brittany either. But she stays.

Ten years later she´ll realize that she was a firm believer from day one. Santana will just grin and kiss her.

.

They spend a whole summer in Quinn´s hometown in Georgia.

Lying between her lover´s legs with her head on Quinn´s stomach, nimble fingers playing with her hair, Santana can honestly say that she´s never been more content.

.

She feels like a teenager again, sitting in her dark car, making out with a beautiful blonde like there is no tomorrow, the radio quietly playing in the background barely noticeable over all the little sighs and moans, the harsh breathing.

.

She looks down to her hand, Quinn´s fingers intertwined with hers.

A hand that would forever hold her hand.

.

_When you´re close to me…_

_.  
><em>

Happy Ending


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